A declaration of feeling

It is not often, that a young lady of little accomplishment and only mediocre talent may be as fortunate as I have been.
I bless myself on being able to love and marry whomever I wish, to not be obliged to marry for money or position in society.
I am fortunate to have found such a man, and to possess such a heart.
This man will not give up on me, he will not by any means let anything influence him otherwise.
For me he crosses oceans, for me he fights. I am sorry to say that I am not grateful enough for what he brings to my company. For he is by sure the most amiable man I will ever know and I will for all future leave my heart in his hands.

To you I am forever grateful and I will never seize to give you my cherish.

What Motivates Me?

In the world of fitness there's always a talk of motivation, it's usually a lot harder to get motivated then to actually preform your workout. Some days everything seems to be working against that motivation and you don't see a single reason to work out. Well here's 6 things that I think about to always keep me up and running!

6. Defeat

In everyone's life there are always ups and downs, I lack a lot of self confidence sometimes and there are a lot of things working against me. However these things make me push harder and find better solutions to my problem instead of a "quick fix".

5. Constructive Criticism 

I never get motivated by people saying "you already look good", "you're fat" or "you're perfect the way you are". As someone who lifts weights I know I'll always strive to improve. Saying that there's no need for me to push further just makes me get annoyed and so does calling me fat. I don't respond to unjustified criticism or praise. Sure, hearing that I look great so far feels good! But I'm not "perfect" and I still have problem areas that need to be addressed. The perfect way to motivate me is actually to say, "you look great but your legs could use some more work" or something similar depending on where you feel my flaw lies.

4. Fit People

So many people have achieved amazing things with their bodies, I want to be one of them!

I've searched far and wide for a "goal picture", a girl with a similar bodytype to mine that has achieved the status of "fit girl". This has however so far deemed impossible, mainly because of my child birthing hips.

Seriously, my WHR is 0.66 atm and my hips are staying the same size while my waist is just getting smaller and smaller. Oh well. I have to create my own body and perhaps someday I can set a goal for a girl with a similar bodytype to my own.

3. Appreciation and Supporting Others

The day before yesterday I spent a couple of hours trying to coach an anorectic girl who wanted to lose fat and gain muscle because her doctors told her she couldn't lose weight (for obvious reasons). While the girl was obviously still very sick and none of us could get through to her someone posted this for me:

This made me happy in a very special way, I'd only slept 4h that night, I was very tired and I had planned to skip the gym for that day because of that. As soon as I saw this I got dressed and headed off to the gym.

People appreciating my help and my lust to support others is one of my favorite things. I love helping out and I love coaching people, and the best part is when they are happy for it.

Obviously this time around the person I tried to help didn't take it, but it feels good that someone think I put in a good job.

Also of course this has to be justified, I'm bad at taking credit for things and especially if I don't feel like I did anything special.

2. Unfit People

What can I say? Fat people, smokers, skinny fat people, drug addicts, alcoholics, anyone that's not into fitness. Why? Because I used to be one of them. I can't tell you how much I enjoy having a flat stomach. Being able to put on jeans without something pouting out and having to suck in my stomach when I walk around outside. They also encourage me to get better, I want it to be visible that I'm different, I'm not one of the crowd. I work out and I'm proud of what I have accomplished. This is one of my biggest motivations.

1. Boyfriend

My top motivator, always supporting me when I need it, always there for me. Gives me advice on my fitness when I ask for it and acts as my trainer whenever I'm over. He's not afraid to tell me when I'm cheating on my workouts (even if it's not thaat common) and even though he is quite biased he'll help me figure out what to do about my "problem areas". But most of all he makes me love myself for who I am. No matter your size, weight, goals or issues the most important thing is to love yourself for who you are. You can never achieve perfection if you don't.

All my love and the best of luck to you~ 

Vanessa

If you don't exercise your muscles they will wither, but don't forget; Your heart is a muscle too..

So this post title kinda has a double meaning both fitness and emotional/lolita related.

Fist of all to get the fitness related out of the way~

I ran 6k yesterday! (that's almost 4 miles) When I was younger I couldn't even bike half that path (it used to be my way to school) without feeling exhausted. I also remember having trouble to run like 1k without stopping!

This time I ran all the way and even had enough power to pick up the pace the last 5min. I did this the day after coming home from a con, and I'm still exhausted, I can't tell you how proud I am of myself. Trying for 7k next time and we'll see what happens.

I believe that it's really important to do some kind of cardio with your workout schedule. I never do it on the same day though because I believe I will not be able to give it my all when I do the second workout for that day. Lifting makes my bones strong, but my running has really made my heart so much stronger and it makes me feel great!

I'm also starting to lose weight for the first time since.. forever?! No seriously, I can't remember. I've been hovering at 60-62kg for probably like 6 ish months now. Before this weekend I started slooowly going down past 60 and I'm now at 58.5. I just hope it's fat and not muscle! But my scale also says that my bf% has gone down.

Now then on to lolita and emotional business!

So as mentioned before I went to a con this weekend. I was a volunteer for the wardrobe where visitors could leave their bags, valuables and other things during the days.

Lets start out with some lolis~

They are all such adorable girls <3 I wish I could rock AP like them <3

Cosplayers:

Waa Sailor Moon <3

Glados~

*See sword* Holy! Clare <3

My friend did Bridget lol, props for making it all by himself, and his first cosplay too I believe!

<3 I asked him if he was from Hetalia, I can't believe people bought it!

Gotta love Kuragehime <3 I'm impressed <3

Misc:

Me and my burger, delicious, Veggie burger with bacon.. yes people gave me weird glances! I had 3 of these throughout the con.. wonderful!

One of the artist alley tables, so much cute stuff! I hate saving sometimes!

Another table with gorgeous loli wear and dollie wear as well. Dresses were too short for me though, and again.. monies..

Her art was so varied and gorgeous! I'm so impressed still!

Cookie Monster does not like to swim!

Uhrm... yes.. shows off my bonnet?

My friend took some photos with me, all for fun, hoping to get some pictures to post here in a bit~

My outfit for Saturday, barefoot and comfortable, I love this dress but it's hard to find an opportunity to use it.

Someone left a Geodude in the wardrobe.. I-I just had too, it's fantastic!

Chuu from Chuu <3 Yup, I was really happy!

Now then, lets get emotional?!

A lot of lolis have troubles with relatives and most of the time parents who aren't supportive of our clothing.

I consider myself lucky when I say that has never really been an issue for me.

My dad joked around back when I dressed in sweet, saying that my shoes look like clown shoes, I laughed with him and saw no harm in it. 

My parents have always shown interest and it's very sweet of them and when I wore my VM sailor coat back in May my dad even commented on how good I looked in it! 

It feels great to receive that kind of appreciation from your parents!

Now then, this topic will be devoted to my fathers mother.

I really feel that I need to get this off my chest because it saddens and angers me so much.

Back in the beginning of the year when the topic of my style arose she started hinting that she liked me better in normal clothes, which she also mentioned when Vincent and I came over for lunch.

I'm fine with people telling me this, whatever it's not a big deal.

Back in May when I changed my profile picture on facebook to one of my lolita pictures she commented and said I should wear my normal clothes instead.

Again, I'm fine with this, whatever, not a big deal.

She has also discussed the issue with my mother, who just shakes her head. They don't particularly care if I dress up or not, I'm sensible about it and always ask them if it's okay if it's a special occasion, hey my parents where okay with me wearing lolita (classic) to my grandmothers funeral (something I deeply appreciated).

Now then, this weekend I brought out the lolita again, after all I'm at a con having fun with my friends, what's the harm?

One of my friends had a gun that I borrowed first for a photo in the hallway, I posted this on facebook.

My friends thought it was awesome, however my fathers mother posted saying "Grow up Vanessa!!!!!!!!!"

It pissed me off, but worse was yet to come. 

Later that day my had a photoshoot with me (as I posted above). Most pics were with another friends camera but we took some with mine just to document it, again with the gun.

I had a lot of fun with this since it is totally out of character for a lolita and we had a great setting.

Now my fathers mother was not. I posted this exact picture to facebook a bit later, receiving this comment:

"This is by far the ugliest picture I have ever seen, bloody hell/ *insert other generic swearword*" (translating swearwords from Swedish is hard).

You can guess how pissed I got after reading this, I deleted both this comment and the previous one, reported both for harassment and blocked her from my facebook.

I really never had an issue with my fathers mother, but to push so much hate on your grandchild like that is just unbelievably mean. I'll never say a bad word to anyone online that I couldn't say IRL and here a relative goes out and says that she thinks a picture of me is the ugliest she has ever seen? I am baffled and shocked.

Am I over reacting? I don't see how she could make this well again, what on earth was she thinking?

Have you had any similar experiences?

Now I am not sad at all, but I am angry and it pesters my mind. 

I try my best to be nice to everyone and spread my heart, because everyone needs love but no one needs hate. If I don't spread love and use my heart I will become a hateful person, and no one would benefit from that.

So please, readers, spread the love, and keep your family and friends close.

Vancouver~

Now I spent my last month in Vancouver.

I have never paid a visit to Vancouver before and I must say it's a lovely city.

I spent time with my boyfriend, discovered the city and met his family and friends.

I also went to High Tea for the first time with the lovely Viki on June 30th~

She wrote about it on her blog so give it a read!

My outfit:

Hair accessory: Hand Made by me~

Cardigan: ETC

 Dress: Hand Made by me~

Socks: Ergi

Shoes: ETC

Viki wore:

Parka: Liz Lisa

Dress: Angelic Pretty

Bag: Bebe

Stockings: Aldo

Shoes: DreamV (I so love their shoes, have a black pair myself!)

I had a lovely time even though my dehydration got the best of me.

I must say though High Tea is nothing for me, I've never been much of a lifestyler and while I love doing.. "classic things" it mostly involves reading old books.

We also went on a great hunt trying to find me a foundation. I am very very fair and I can never find anything just light enough. I tried several including Armanis foundation which was good and while it was quite light it didn't give me the lightness I was looking for and just covered up my current redness (due to sunburn).

We went and looked at Anna Suis foundations and I tried their lightest one.

In retrospect I am so glad I chose it because it really really matches my original skin tone well as well as covers up the small imperfections. It also has a 25spf and smells like roses~ I also bought an eye shadow pen to get their gift pack which contained a lipstick, hand cream and some other small things.

I felt really bad most of the day and I really hope Viki will forgive my crankiness, lolita really gets hot after a while!

On July 1st Vincent and I went out to look at the fireworks since it was Canada day~
It was freezing but I'm glad I got to spend the evening with him like that.
I have so much love for this guy haha!

This is how he looks in my head, because he's always so happy!

But yes, we went and had a BBQ hosted by our wonderful friends Jay and Lin.

Vincent is here modeling the magic creation of awesome: Strawberry, bacon, cheese and dulce de leche <3

Blurry pic of my two favorite hosts~

America!
We went on a day trip to Seattle with the super awesome Herman who drove us the whole way.
Now I never told you this Herman but I really do think you are awesome, remember that if you read this!
We had a great time, visited the farmers market, an awesome comic book and related things store, had awesome burgers at the Cheese Cake Factory and drove back through the outlets where we shopped till at least I was broke.

I also met the two super cool and creative people Jeanine and Jordan, they are really awesome as well but I never took a picture fore some reason.

So much happened, so much I didn't write here, but I can't. It was a whole month full with wonderful new experiences, crazy food, some working out and running too actually and a lot of new friends.
I miss Vancouver and I hope to be back really soon~

Next post will actually be something fitness related.. I hope!

Sorry for the delay~

It's been long has it not? I've been busy like always.

Actually I've been off to Canada for a full month, came back on Friday and it turns out that the lightning storm zapped out our telephone line. Because of this I have no real internet or phone connection. Currently I am stealing.. or well borrowing my brothers internet that he is kindly exuding from his phone via wi-fi.

So, back to business!

I got a lovely comment from Miss Kamilla and I'm very happy to find a comment in my blog!

First of all as far as mini hats go, this lovely lady has a wonderful collection of hand made mini hats for sale.

I don't wear hats personally but if I did I would wear hers, the level of craftsmanship is wonderful and I always make a habit out of promoting her things when I see her selling them.

I do own a pair of her hairbows though, they are adorable and easy to wear. I just need an outfit that matches haha!

I am changing my routine to go more for aesthetics and less for strength. While my body has changed and improved since I started Starting Strength I do not feel like it is a routine I would like to continue and I would like something more varied. It is however a great starting routine and I deeply recommend it to anyone looking to get into weight training as it is absolutely crucial that you learn the form for the major compound lifts.

My routine will consist of weight training twice a week, an upper and a lower body workout. Running twice a week, OR running once and doing another cardiovascular activity and I also wish to do yoga once a week.

Why not do 3 days of gym activity and 2-3 days of cardio? Because I am not confident enough in my eating habits to maintain such an active lifestyle.

A few weeks before I left for Canada I did 3 days of weight training and 3 days of cardio per week, I was obsessed and pushed myself too hard, didn't eat enough and overtrained my body. I had a hard time getting out of bed, moving around and continuing any of my regular activities. It ended up with me having to rest it out and not work out for two weeks. This is something I absolutely have to avoid.

Remember girls (and boys) your body needs rest too, listen to it and don't push yourselves too hard. Work yourselves up to it instead of going all out. 

I will be back very very soon with a post about my running, time in Canada, feelings about lolita and more~

But for now, I need to sleep. Tight sleep schedule is my new deal!

Good night and have pleasant dreams my dears.

Vanessa

Climbing Trees and Scraping Knees

So spring is finally setting in for real, there is tonnes of sunshine  for everyone and the spring flowers are blooming. My friend Tove visited me yesterday and we went out to take some pictures in the lovely weather, I took the opportunity to climb some trees!

  

We walked around the forest outside my house, there are several good spots to take pictures there.

Unfortunately the sun wasn't in our favour but we didn't have time to wait for it to move.

 

The dress is one of my favourite finds, it's very remade from when I first found it (it didn't even get close to fitting me) I love the fabric and the satin bands and of course, since it's me; the length of it. I just can't love a dress that doesn't go past my knees.. most of the time at least.

I rolled around in the grass looking at the flowers, managed to scrape my arm and knee on the tree I was climbing and made silly poses that are probably going to end up on my facebook but not here haha.

Tove unfortunately had to go home. During the evening we barbecued some meat and dad made fries!

Later my father and I watched The Rock, I really love Sean Connery and I can watch that movie again and again.

I need to get back on the horse as far as fitness goes.

Lately I really haven't been feeling up to it and I feel really bad about it.

To save some money on my bus card I will probably be doing some bodyweight workouts at home especially since we're going to our countryhouse this weekend and there's no gym there.

I might want my waist to get a bit smaller but my main goal now is to pack on some muscle! 

I need to look good in my bikini for the summer hah.

Hope you're all having a lovely spring day!

~Vanessa~

And Thus My Hair is Gone

So I cut my hair off. Many people have complimented me for my long hair, I will gently nod and say thank you.

The truth is that I haven't been satisfied with my hair for a long time. 5 years ago I did a similar cut because my hair was so trashed, vowing to take better care of my hair this time. After that my hair was bleached, dyed pink, bleached twice, dyed red, dyed light brown, dyed dark brown and then stripped of colour (read bleached again). You can imagine the state my hair was in after that D:

I had hoped that babying my hair after the colour-strip would save it. However I could no longer hide my dissatisfaction with my hair. It was FULL of split ends, 3/4ths of the ends of my hair were split and it looked like hell if you checked it out up close.

 

Good bye dear long hair, we will see each other soon <3

My hair grows fast, so don't worry, it will be back to the length I was at before in 1.5-2 years.

This time I'm not treating it badly even once, time for some perfect lucious long locks.

The picture above was taken on my way to pick up my boyfriend at the airport.

We had an awesome time full of great memories while he was here.

I feel so lucky and blessed to have him in my life!

Also todays outfit:

Hairband: Hand made by me

Dress: Hand made by me

Socks: Jane Marple

Shoes: Offbrand from Japan

Oh and my new winter coat from Mary Magdalene will be arriving next week~ 

We so excited!

It's the latest coat in Caramel Latte (Kera Shop limited colour)

I will of course model it when it comes, even with the weather being so warm~

I am not in a writing mood today so this will have to do!

All my love

~Vanessa~