A declaration of feeling

It is not often, that a young lady of little accomplishment and only mediocre talent may be as fortunate as I have been.
I bless myself on being able to love and marry whomever I wish, to not be obliged to marry for money or position in society.
I am fortunate to have found such a man, and to possess such a heart.
This man will not give up on me, he will not by any means let anything influence him otherwise.
For me he crosses oceans, for me he fights. I am sorry to say that I am not grateful enough for what he brings to my company. For he is by sure the most amiable man I will ever know and I will for all future leave my heart in his hands.

To you I am forever grateful and I will never seize to give you my cherish.

What Motivates Me?

In the world of fitness there's always a talk of motivation, it's usually a lot harder to get motivated then to actually preform your workout. Some days everything seems to be working against that motivation and you don't see a single reason to work out. Well here's 6 things that I think about to always keep me up and running!

6. Defeat

In everyone's life there are always ups and downs, I lack a lot of self confidence sometimes and there are a lot of things working against me. However these things make me push harder and find better solutions to my problem instead of a "quick fix".

5. Constructive Criticism 

I never get motivated by people saying "you already look good", "you're fat" or "you're perfect the way you are". As someone who lifts weights I know I'll always strive to improve. Saying that there's no need for me to push further just makes me get annoyed and so does calling me fat. I don't respond to unjustified criticism or praise. Sure, hearing that I look great so far feels good! But I'm not "perfect" and I still have problem areas that need to be addressed. The perfect way to motivate me is actually to say, "you look great but your legs could use some more work" or something similar depending on where you feel my flaw lies.

4. Fit People

So many people have achieved amazing things with their bodies, I want to be one of them!

I've searched far and wide for a "goal picture", a girl with a similar bodytype to mine that has achieved the status of "fit girl". This has however so far deemed impossible, mainly because of my child birthing hips.

Seriously, my WHR is 0.66 atm and my hips are staying the same size while my waist is just getting smaller and smaller. Oh well. I have to create my own body and perhaps someday I can set a goal for a girl with a similar bodytype to my own.

3. Appreciation and Supporting Others

The day before yesterday I spent a couple of hours trying to coach an anorectic girl who wanted to lose fat and gain muscle because her doctors told her she couldn't lose weight (for obvious reasons). While the girl was obviously still very sick and none of us could get through to her someone posted this for me:

This made me happy in a very special way, I'd only slept 4h that night, I was very tired and I had planned to skip the gym for that day because of that. As soon as I saw this I got dressed and headed off to the gym.

People appreciating my help and my lust to support others is one of my favorite things. I love helping out and I love coaching people, and the best part is when they are happy for it.

Obviously this time around the person I tried to help didn't take it, but it feels good that someone think I put in a good job.

Also of course this has to be justified, I'm bad at taking credit for things and especially if I don't feel like I did anything special.

2. Unfit People

What can I say? Fat people, smokers, skinny fat people, drug addicts, alcoholics, anyone that's not into fitness. Why? Because I used to be one of them. I can't tell you how much I enjoy having a flat stomach. Being able to put on jeans without something pouting out and having to suck in my stomach when I walk around outside. They also encourage me to get better, I want it to be visible that I'm different, I'm not one of the crowd. I work out and I'm proud of what I have accomplished. This is one of my biggest motivations.

1. Boyfriend

My top motivator, always supporting me when I need it, always there for me. Gives me advice on my fitness when I ask for it and acts as my trainer whenever I'm over. He's not afraid to tell me when I'm cheating on my workouts (even if it's not thaat common) and even though he is quite biased he'll help me figure out what to do about my "problem areas". But most of all he makes me love myself for who I am. No matter your size, weight, goals or issues the most important thing is to love yourself for who you are. You can never achieve perfection if you don't.

All my love and the best of luck to you~ 

Vanessa

If you don't exercise your muscles they will wither, but don't forget; Your heart is a muscle too..

So this post title kinda has a double meaning both fitness and emotional/lolita related.

Fist of all to get the fitness related out of the way~

I ran 6k yesterday! (that's almost 4 miles) When I was younger I couldn't even bike half that path (it used to be my way to school) without feeling exhausted. I also remember having trouble to run like 1k without stopping!

This time I ran all the way and even had enough power to pick up the pace the last 5min. I did this the day after coming home from a con, and I'm still exhausted, I can't tell you how proud I am of myself. Trying for 7k next time and we'll see what happens.

I believe that it's really important to do some kind of cardio with your workout schedule. I never do it on the same day though because I believe I will not be able to give it my all when I do the second workout for that day. Lifting makes my bones strong, but my running has really made my heart so much stronger and it makes me feel great!

I'm also starting to lose weight for the first time since.. forever?! No seriously, I can't remember. I've been hovering at 60-62kg for probably like 6 ish months now. Before this weekend I started slooowly going down past 60 and I'm now at 58.5. I just hope it's fat and not muscle! But my scale also says that my bf% has gone down.

Now then on to lolita and emotional business!

So as mentioned before I went to a con this weekend. I was a volunteer for the wardrobe where visitors could leave their bags, valuables and other things during the days.

Lets start out with some lolis~

They are all such adorable girls <3 I wish I could rock AP like them <3

Cosplayers:

Waa Sailor Moon <3

Glados~

*See sword* Holy! Clare <3

My friend did Bridget lol, props for making it all by himself, and his first cosplay too I believe!

<3 I asked him if he was from Hetalia, I can't believe people bought it!

Gotta love Kuragehime <3 I'm impressed <3

Misc:

Me and my burger, delicious, Veggie burger with bacon.. yes people gave me weird glances! I had 3 of these throughout the con.. wonderful!

One of the artist alley tables, so much cute stuff! I hate saving sometimes!

Another table with gorgeous loli wear and dollie wear as well. Dresses were too short for me though, and again.. monies..

Her art was so varied and gorgeous! I'm so impressed still!

Cookie Monster does not like to swim!

Uhrm... yes.. shows off my bonnet?

My friend took some photos with me, all for fun, hoping to get some pictures to post here in a bit~

My outfit for Saturday, barefoot and comfortable, I love this dress but it's hard to find an opportunity to use it.

Someone left a Geodude in the wardrobe.. I-I just had too, it's fantastic!

Chuu from Chuu <3 Yup, I was really happy!

Now then, lets get emotional?!

A lot of lolis have troubles with relatives and most of the time parents who aren't supportive of our clothing.

I consider myself lucky when I say that has never really been an issue for me.

My dad joked around back when I dressed in sweet, saying that my shoes look like clown shoes, I laughed with him and saw no harm in it. 

My parents have always shown interest and it's very sweet of them and when I wore my VM sailor coat back in May my dad even commented on how good I looked in it! 

It feels great to receive that kind of appreciation from your parents!

Now then, this topic will be devoted to my fathers mother.

I really feel that I need to get this off my chest because it saddens and angers me so much.

Back in the beginning of the year when the topic of my style arose she started hinting that she liked me better in normal clothes, which she also mentioned when Vincent and I came over for lunch.

I'm fine with people telling me this, whatever it's not a big deal.

Back in May when I changed my profile picture on facebook to one of my lolita pictures she commented and said I should wear my normal clothes instead.

Again, I'm fine with this, whatever, not a big deal.

She has also discussed the issue with my mother, who just shakes her head. They don't particularly care if I dress up or not, I'm sensible about it and always ask them if it's okay if it's a special occasion, hey my parents where okay with me wearing lolita (classic) to my grandmothers funeral (something I deeply appreciated).

Now then, this weekend I brought out the lolita again, after all I'm at a con having fun with my friends, what's the harm?

One of my friends had a gun that I borrowed first for a photo in the hallway, I posted this on facebook.

My friends thought it was awesome, however my fathers mother posted saying "Grow up Vanessa!!!!!!!!!"

It pissed me off, but worse was yet to come. 

Later that day my had a photoshoot with me (as I posted above). Most pics were with another friends camera but we took some with mine just to document it, again with the gun.

I had a lot of fun with this since it is totally out of character for a lolita and we had a great setting.

Now my fathers mother was not. I posted this exact picture to facebook a bit later, receiving this comment:

"This is by far the ugliest picture I have ever seen, bloody hell/ *insert other generic swearword*" (translating swearwords from Swedish is hard).

You can guess how pissed I got after reading this, I deleted both this comment and the previous one, reported both for harassment and blocked her from my facebook.

I really never had an issue with my fathers mother, but to push so much hate on your grandchild like that is just unbelievably mean. I'll never say a bad word to anyone online that I couldn't say IRL and here a relative goes out and says that she thinks a picture of me is the ugliest she has ever seen? I am baffled and shocked.

Am I over reacting? I don't see how she could make this well again, what on earth was she thinking?

Have you had any similar experiences?

Now I am not sad at all, but I am angry and it pesters my mind. 

I try my best to be nice to everyone and spread my heart, because everyone needs love but no one needs hate. If I don't spread love and use my heart I will become a hateful person, and no one would benefit from that.

So please, readers, spread the love, and keep your family and friends close.